Here is an interesting article by Eric V. Coupage in The New York Times about questions you should ask your partner before you marry. I'll admit, although entirely unromantic to discuss, my Husband and I have an exit strategy. We have talked about what we absolutely will not tolerate in our marriage and what would make us call it quits. It doesn't make me feel like we're headed for disaster when we talk about it, rather it makes me feel more secure. It's not things like "if you don't do this I'm gone" but discussing expectations and boundaries that often go unspoken. Basically...we're just communicating.
We didn't do premarital counseling or an engagement encounter, but sometimes I wish we had. For the moment we are very much on the same page, but things have changed so much since we met...since we married, that I can see why bringing these things up can be helpful. Although when I read them out loud, like the "mission statement" they sound super cheesy. The comments are worth a read too - read the full article here.
Here are questions that should be asked before your wedding day...according to this article:
What is our “mission statement” as a couple?
To what extent are you willing to go to have a family, medically?
What will we do if we find out our child has severe disabilities?
Who should I have on speed dial for the days when I just can’t figure you out?
Can you name two couples that you admire and would hope to emulate?
How do we stay sexually engaged with each other?
Will we share our credit reports with each other?
Should we have an exit strategy for the marriage, and if so, what would it be?
If married previously, why did it end and what did you learn from that relationship?
What are our conflict management styles, and are they compatible?
What do you think? Do you think questions like these are love suckers, or do you think they are valid conversation points for those headed to the altar?